A Guilty Working Professional

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You have heard about a guilty mom's dilemma. But Have you heard about a guilty working professional? That's me, and let me share this side of the situation with you.


Our society, social media, and surroundings have so much information that sometimes we don't realize, and unknowingly few things are stuck in our minds as they are facts. From the time I conceived, I always heard about a guilty mom's story who struggles through her work and taking care of her baby. And I never wanted to be in that position. Working for my professional growth is something that I love, and being a mother is my choice. I never wanted to choose one of them at any time.


When I saw my baby for the first time, the feeling was surreal, like all the mothers in the world. But I did not want to be by her side all the time. I wanted her to see me working hard, fulfilling my dreams, and living life on my terms, and that's exactly what I dreamt about her. Like the old saying, "Kids are like mirrors. What they see and hear, they do." 


But I took this more seriously than it was meant to be. She saw me working from the very first day. She got acquainted if I could not always colour with her and give her time for pretend and play. I don't remember her complaining ever. She is 4.5 now. And in my mind, I always compensate. If I play with her for 1 hour, she lets me do my work for 3 hours. If I am busy on weekdays, I ensure the weekend is all hers. We do what she loves. We go where she enjoys. We eat what she craves. 


But at the same time, I have reached a point where if I play with her for 1 hour during my working hours, It feels like I am neglecting my work. If I take more than an hour to cook, I am taking advantage of working from home. My brain and heart are absent from the coffee table if somebody comes home during my working hour. I make sure I do overtime, I work sometime during the weekend, I don't take rest, and I keep working whenever my daughter is asleep. I don't go out for refreshments; I sit on my balcony for 5 minutes and tell myself I feel good. In short, I have sadly become a workaholic.


There have been times I have genuinely sat and thought about it and concluded that I am overthinking and doing just fine. I should not feel like I am not giving 100% to work as I never get complaints from my boss or any colleague on neglecting my work; instead, I have got the feedback the other way around. I have received emails from HRs to take leaves. But what is this obsession, then?? 


It did take time to overcome this feeling and to make peace with the fact that, like there is nothing called a guilty mom, there is nothing like a guilty working professional. In both cases, you keep reminding yourself that you are doing the best that you can do. Like the child is growing just fine, the same way your work is also doing just fine. You love what you do, and you do what you love.
Location: Cambridge, ON, Canada

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